My days of Kept-hood are over

Mr. Leger - reporting for duty. This morning I accepted the role of Sales Manager for Questex Media's Enterprise Innovation publication here in Asia. Enterprise Innovation is like Computerworld (in fact, the company publishes CW in Hong Kong). I'll be selling print and online advertising, event sponsorships and custom publishing projects with "Asia" as my territory. I start the 11th. - It's been 11 months since I've had to go to work in an "office." Hopefully I can re-acquaint myself with the office environment, otherwise it's going to be pretty damn interesting. What do you mean sweatpants aren't business casual? You were serious about that 9-6 thing? EVERYday? What do you mean I can't play videogames here? But 11:00am is when I watch Price is Right - reschedule that meeting!

I'm excited and nervous - this is a job that I know I can do, and do well. . . . at home. It's a mystery as to how effective I'll be as a salesman in Singapore - this we'll find out quick - and I'm excited about the challenge. While my humor and general degree of disrespect, sarcasm and verbal debauchery is tolerated at home, CELEBRATED on this blog, and a source of great pride for me personally, well, there's a smurfin' good chance it ain't gonna work as good up in here. Oh and -  Questex Media's WW HQ is in. . . . Newton, MA. Boom goes the dynamite.

But - you know what this means - I get to start planning a Bali trip!

This afternoon I took a quick SMRT ride to see where the office is. Turns out it's only one stop beyond Kellie's office. The office is in a very interesting area just outside of Little India. My building appears to be the ONLY office type building in the neighborhood. Good news is that there are tons of places to get lunch, and even more places to get fabric. SWEET. It actually seems like it'll be a fun place to explore on lunch breaks, it's just a lot different from where we are and where Kellie works. Oh come on, what's to worry about, it's not like I will be working near Baghdad Street.


Street near my new office.

A horse is a horse, or course of course. . . .

Let's get right to the fun stuff - this blog is a reverse mullet, party in the front and business in the rear (a cut I've seen here).

Boys are like Sherpas here. It's genuinely accepted that men often carry their lady's pocketbook. Also, many men here carry the European Handbag (ManPurse or Murse). It's not uncommon to see dual handbags. I'm just sayin.

A horse is a horse, of course of course,
And no one can talk to a horse of course,
That is of course
Unless the horse. . .
Has a lamp upon it's head. . . .

This guy lives on the 11th floor of our hotel, which is where the coffee and pool table are. He scares the shit out of me everytime I go up there

Here's some other stuff:


It's a spa, but, it's called Buff & Rubz.



Sign on the wall in the subway. I got nothing - just enjoy.

So this last one is the door to enter or "alight" the subway, or MRT. In good taste, you don't "get off" in Singapore - you alight :) Now because it's so busy in Singapore, these markings are in front of every door so people will stay out of the way of the alighting passengers before they board. FYI, this was a waste of paint.
When we last met, I was anxiously awaiting the return of Ms. Kellie from Ireland. She has in fact returned and we've been busy since her arrival Saturday morning. Saturday afternoon was spent recovering from the flight for her, and recovering from Friday nights Indian cuisine for me. We then spent a fantastic evening enjoying some friends, some drinks and some sights from rooftop bars just outside of Chinatown. Any of you adverturous enough to come visit will have to see Chinatown.

Sunday we went to Ikea - which no one told us beforehand, was a monumental mistake. Mobscene - we did get some ideas for things we'll need for the apartment WHICH Kellie saw yesterday and APPROVED. I picked the apartment and Kellie liked it. Whoop-Whoop. But - tis OH-fishal - we signed a two year lease - in it to win it now.

And lastly - I was offered a job late yesterday afternoon - to which I have yet to reply as I'm awaiting some additional information (like availability of "wiggle-room" in the money). So once I make the call, I'll give more detail.

Squash, not just a vegetable!

My week of flying solo in Singapore comes to end tomorrow morning when Kellie gets back from Ireland - more accurate - it ends when she wakes up from the nap she'll need after returning from Ireland. I'm jealous of her for three reasons: 1.) She has a job and something to do 2.) With this trip she's now Platinum on American and 3.) She got to enjoy some cool weather for a week. It's freakin hot here.

One thing I'll say about my experience so far here, is that once you find people from Europe and the States to chat with, there's an almost instant understanding that takes place. We're all adjusting to the cultural differences in Singapore from our homes. It's great to find out that things like walking in a mall, waiting for a train or elevator, having people walk into you - that I'm not alone in my severe frustration. It's on us to become accustomed to how things work here - we're sure as shit not changing the 5M other folks in Singapore. But while trying to adjust - it's a fantastic feeling to sit down to some overpriced high-octane beer and commiserate. Commiserate is the same as bitching about it, right?

On the job hunt side, there have been just a couple developments. I finally spoke with a recruiter who explained that the reason her compatriots have been ignoring me is that I have no regional experience. Recruiters in Asia, I guess, will only work with you if they anticipate an immediate return. It's basically human trafficking. I have, however, had a couple interviews with a media company here and think there may be an offer coming early next week. That said, we're worlds apart on the compensation package. I'll see how it plays out as it's an "ok" opportunity. I'm worried that I'm going to just take the first thing that comes along as a defense against the unbearable boredom that accompanies NOT having a job. However, if it doesn't build a new skill set for me to bring home, or pay me gobs of money, then what's the point?

Played squash last night with some friends - and yes, it probably was as funny to watch as you think it was. It's like racquetball only the ball has very little bounce to it. I used to love racquetball, however that was about 9 years and 60 lbs ago. Felt good to get out of the house for a while, get a good work-out, and sweat something fierce. I'm hoping for a routine whereby I can get out there and play once a week. Judging by how much my ass hurts today, it was solid exercise.

Tonight a big group us are going for Indian food (cue funny looks and concerns for my digestive system). Place is supposed to be exceptional and I've never had Indian food so how could I say no. Besides, as with most of the food here, it works best when I test-drive things so I can make recommendations for stuff Kel would like.

So I'm staying busy. Many have asked how I'm doing on the non-smoking thing. I'd love to say it's been easy, but anyone who's been down this road knows it isn't. I'm proud to say, though, that I'm wearing my first Step 2 patch today, which means I've been quit now for a month. So far so good. It helps that spending time outside results in a required t-shirt change, and that since booze is so expensive, you tend to drink less often.

One thing I know I have to get better at is staying connected to the news at home. I'm oblivious to life outside of this hotel room. My realtor last weekend was the first to inform me that we were in fact bombing Libya. I've got to get better about that. Also since it's rare I get to talk to ya'll at home, facebook is clutch.

Now is about the time of day when I make myself scarce for an hour so Eleanor can clean the room. (Mind you, I have no idea what her name is, but she calls me Mr. Chris, so I needed something)

Picture Picture Picture

I can't believe how long it's been since my last post. This is where I insert some lame excuse for how busy I have been, but we're all too smart for that, so I'll just get right in.

I'm enduring a true test of life in Singapore. You see, Kellie got called up to the big leagues on Friday and left Saturday night for Cork, Ireland for a week. So 1 of the 9 total people I know in an entire country is no longer in said country. I saw 6 others Saturday night, and a 7th today as he is our realtor. I have a new definition of LONELY. The good news is that I've been keeping myself busy with absolutely nothing. But if anyone has a trivia question about the 1st Season of 30 Rock, 4th Season of CSI, or 5th Season of Top Chef - I'm your guy.

I'm joking, sort of. It's been a tough week for me. The job hunt is proving to be far more difficult than I thought. I have reached out to 10 recruiters in Singapore. Thus far, one of them seemed promising - promising up to the point that he cancelled our meeting last Thursday whilst I was in the taxi on my way. Oh, did I mention that this was the 3rd time he'd cancelled on me? And then Friday I went in to meet with a guy from a conference company that had reached out to me through LinkedIn. To say that this was the worst job interview I've ever experienced would be an understatement. It was the worst 45 minutes of my professional career. This was a new level of douche-baggery - interview technique or not, there's certain things you just shouldn't say in an interview, and also had this been in the USA, certain aspects of the meeting could be used by me to take legal action. Funny douche bag story - I asked our realtor if he'd ever heard the term, to which to my surprise and ultimate embarrassment, he replied, "no, what is it?" Much to Kellie's dismay, he now knows. Back to the interrogation - so after making me feel completely worthless as a professional, a salesman, a human, and an American, I was told I would be brought in for a second interview and given homework.

My last two discussion points are: 1.) we found an apartment (we meaning I since Kellie is in Europe) and 2.) I went to one of the casinos here today. Both of these relate to the subject of this blog, and both are fairly simple to explain. Below I have some pictures of the apartment (and some other fun ones), and when playing Blackjack here, all you hear is PICTURE PICTURE PICTURE when the dealer is drawing on a 16 or less, or you yourself have doubled down. Gamblers - you know what I'm talking about.

The apartment is in the neighborhood that we love. It's an older building (8 years = about 100 America years) which means it's big and it has character. I'm super excited about it. I'm also nervous as shit because I committed us to a place for the next 2 years that Kellie hasn't seen yet, save for the pictures I've included. So darlings, all comments should reflect the amazingness of this joint. Only drawback to finding our dream (1,074 sq ft) paradise apartment is that it's one less thing I have to do.

So - here are some pictures for you to enjoy -


My being artistic - that's the Marina Bay Sands hotel

This was getting off the subway at 2:30 in the afternoon on a Wednesday



What a $19 lunch looks like

I have 2 years to figure out why the "Merlion" is like the mascot of Singapore



Just not the same here, you know?

Entry/Living Room



Beer Pong Room

Massa Betroom (1 of 2)

Kitchen



Pooper (1 of 2)

BTW - thank you all for hitting "refresh" on your browsers enough to push the blog over 1,500 page views. The really remarkable part is that I'm now being read in 7 countries. To the folks in Japan and Kuwait - Cool!

When in Rome. . . Don't eat Mexican

First, thank you all for your emails and IM's and such as related to the recent events in Japan. Needless to say there is a lot of coverage here in Singapore. Kellie and I were conducting some environmental beverage reconnaissance (pub crawl) Friday afternoon and learned of the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan upon heading into an Australian bar. It was a strange type of feeling as the amazing pictures from Japan were on 1/3 of the televisions, and Rugby and Cricket on the others. Singapore sits surrounded by Indonesia, Malaysia and the Phillipines, which shelter this country from these such tragedies. My guess is the heavenly breeze felt by Singaporeans was about the extent of the affects the incident had on us.

Friday afternoon also provided us with our first opportunity to experience Singapore's effeciency in Goverment agencies with our trip to the (wait for it) Ministry of Manpower. I know this sounds like either A.) Club in San Francisco or B.) some kind of agency in an Austin Powers movie, but it's where we had to go to obtain our Employment Passes which serve as our identification here in Singapore. I guess I can leave my Mass License in the wall safe. Great process, however it did serve as a little shot to the man-parts that my ID will be that of a "dependent."

On that front, my first week of "job-looking" was less productive than I would have liked. I reached out to 8 recruiters referred to me by EMC - from this I have one meeting tomorrow - which I'm very much looking forward to aside from the prospect of wearing my suit in this heat. Hopefully this recruiter can give me some advice on making some things happen. The other recruiters that did actually respond to me said basically "we don't have anything for you but we will keep you in mind." Somewhat discouraging, but then the job sites have 1,000's of listings so I just have to keep moving.

The other tough aspect of our first week in Singapore is that we have no friends. Granted, this doesn't come as a surprise, but that doesn't help us in digging up fun things to do. With the exception of other expats and those in the service industry, this is not an outgoing population. Most citizens go about their day with the quiet focus and dedication you would expect. Most people are often so engaged with their phones, mp3 players and PSP, that a passing "Hello" from the giant in the baseball hat, either aren't noticed or are flat-out ignored. It's not me, though, as you'll seldom here a Thank You, Excuse Me, Bless You as you make you're way around the city.

And then Saturday afternoon happened. To quote Kellie, "I got served up a softball." Allow me to set the stage. We'd just come from viewing the second perspective apartment of the day (and I think we're going to go with this building, so we're close) and we were quietly sitting enjoying some lunch. And then, the door to the shop opens and in walks a couple - the gentleman proudly adourned in the favourite head-dress of a Bostonian (a Red Sox Hat) and his lady in a matching BoSox T-Shirt. I mean, did I just say it's hard to meet people. As it turns out he is from New Hampshire, and she hails from a town in England not far from where I lived when I studied abroad. He also lives in our favourite apartment complex that we've seen so far. Did I mention he works for a company based in Waltham that's hiring, and that his girlfriend is a recruiter here? So he gave us his card and I've been negotiating with Kellie for 24 hours on at what point it's OK to email him. 3 day rule? I mean, we don't want to look desperate - but come on. I don't want to lose them either, I mean, do you think he'll remember me?

We've had the chance to eat some amazing food in the last 3-4 days. One of the staples here is called Wantan Noodle(s). It's basically fresh ramen type noodles with miso broth and some BBQ pork and pork wantans. We also had some soup dumplings that I loved. Eating here is overwhelming if you abandon the comfort and safety of a restaurant, with servers and menus, and venture out to the Food Halls and Hawker Centres where most Singaporeans eat. These are often open air venues with rows of stalls occupied by dozens of chefs de cuisine. You generally order from looking at the pictures, and food from such stalls is MUCH cheaper than a restaurent ($3-6 versus $20-30). It's also where you can get into sampling some really remarkable dishes. We're getting a little more comfortable with this environment which is super imtimidating. . . and crowded like everywhere else in Singapore. I had a stall owner who was adament that I try his Sting Ray. I'm just not there yet. Being served Shrimp (Prawns here) with the heads and legs on, is also something that takes some getting used to. I've started taking pictures of meals and I promise to get these and other shots up very soon.

Oh, right, the title. One of our stops was at a Mexican spot not far from where we are going to live. They had decent prices for Happy Hour Margaritas. Mozzeralla cheese on a burrito. We won't be going back there, suffice to say.

Car nuts - this place is amazing - today: 2 Ferraris, 2 Bentleys, 4 Lambos, 4 Astons, lots of Maserati's and every 5th car is a gorgeous product of Germany, tween Porsche, Beamer, Benzo, and Audi.

Off to enjoy a homecooked meal (thank you Kellie).

German Beer - Awesome regardless of where you are

Funny story - so today was to be a day of exploration. My agenda included gym this morning, (side note, the hotel has a steam room - as though there are people who want it HOTTER and HUMIDer ? - here), and then some solid hours of job hunting, and then, drum roll, EXPLORATION of SINGAPORE! Now mind you, I was geared up for seeing some parts of the country and all that, but, well. So, I left the hotel at noon, off to my magical afternoon of experience, and pictures, and culture and such. I left armed with my POS cell phone, my umbrella, my sunglasses (so confused), my train pass and my desire to expose myself (lmao) to Sing-A, Sing-A, Sing-a-pore!

- fast forward to 3:00pm with me sitting back at the German bar outside the Pan Pacific, lederhosen deep in Paulaner & pretzels. I mean, I tried.

I took the MRT (subway) out to Buona Vista - which is far, be supposedly near an area that we might consider living. Long story uber short, I went, I ate, I crossed it off the list of areas I want to reside.

So, any-noodle, I had lots to say about all the amazing food we've had since my last post, and the apartments I saw yesterday (0-2), but, I think I need a nap before Kellie gets home.

As for apartments, the plan is to put some pictures of the prospective pads on the blog and let you, the reader, vote on which apartment we should take. I will say, however, that these votes will have NO (zero) influence on which apartment we take but will serve solely to stroke this author's ego - drawing everyone's attention to just how many people are dialing in to this drivel.

Have I mentioned that I can see an Applebee's from my window?

Now, in closing, I appreciate all the pageviews (over 1,000 since I started blogging and from 6 countries), but how about some interaction? Mom asked me today "How come I can only see my comments?" - to which I responded "because you're the only one commenting." Need I say more?

Take me drunk, I'm home. Nap time.

Observations and Accomplishments

The fact that we've relocated to a foreign country (and we're not just talking Canada) is a big deal. A lot has been accomplished in the last couple months leading up to this. It's surreal now - planning, opening accounts, closing accounts, selling back the cars, packing for stuff going to Fitchburg, Clinton, Singapore by hand, Singapore by sea, getting the Winnie settled. I'm proud of everything we were able to do, under a pile of stress, in a short time. But we're here now - and since I'm the only author of this blog, I can give myself a meaty pat on the back for something I'm pretty pleased with - it's Tuesday, 8 March (that's how we do dates up in here) at 5pm, and I haven't had a smoke since 28 February at 10:48 pm. Holy shit.

That aside, and thank you for indulging me my moment, there is so much to share with people who have never, and who may never, experience that which is Singapore. Kellie is getting into work, and maybe I can cajole her into a guest blog about that. I have a cell phone - a pay-as-you-go Nokia POS that I'll use until I once again become a member of the working class. This is a cell phone-centric society. Sitting on the train, everyone has their noses buried in their phones - and I'm walking around with the equivilent of a rotary dial. I've also connected with a number of local recruiters, and I have an appointment tomorrow with our realtor to start trying to find our permanant apartment. I promise to start taking pictures. We cased the neighborhood (called Robertson Quay (that's pronounced "key:) on Sunday and we do still like it there. It's a great mix of older shop houses and modern buildings. There's also a great many restaurants, bars and other conveniences. Kellie and I also managed to catch a bank whilst it was in it's Opening Hours today, and we're proud owners of "stored value" public transport cards.

I'm trying to be adventurous with the food - something I was uber excited about. Easier said than done when you're faced with so many western comforts. Pizza Hut, Subway - hell - I can see an Applebees from the window of our place - true story. I got some noodle dish yesterday that I was somewhat excited about right up until I ate it. It was like eating over-sized ramen swimming in bath water along with balls of who knows what. Should have gotten a picture of that. OH - and they have Seaweed flavoured (like that?) Pringles. That said, I had some amazing chicken with cashew nuts ($6) for lunch yesterday, and Tuk Tuk Mee ($5) today, a Korean noodle dish with pork and fried wontons. Tonight, weather permitting (not TOO hot or raining) we may venture to Newton Circus, the most well known food market (or hawker centre) in Singapore. It's a food orgy ( http://www.the-inncrowd.com/newtoncircus.htm  's words not mine). Don't feel bad if you don't read the whole atricle, I didn't.

People in the service industry in Singapore are ridiculously friendly. Our housekeeper asked me how she should address me. She said "Mr. . . . ?" and I said Chris, just Chris. Sooo, inevitably I'm now "Mr. Chris." In general, people assume that we are here as the result of my outstanding work performance, and not Kellie's. We explained to a cab driver on Sunday that I am in fact looking for work here. He called me a "man of leisure" - said I was his hero. So I've got that going for me, which is nice. Said cab driver also gave us some apartment recommendations and said we should check out the new casino, from which he has banned himself for one year. He literally put his name on a list of people to be barred from the place as the blackjack gods hadn't shined upon him. You think if Foxwoods or the Luxor even had such a service, any Americans would do this? Is that like putting yourself on the "no-fly" list if you have a bad flight?

There's no porn in Singapore - it's illegal. The government even goes so far as to edit Hollywood's products prior to their being displayed here. If you're reading this and you've never seen Joe Dirt, then, well, do I even know you? Anywho - I was watching this Oscar-worthy film yesterday, and was shocked that a number of scenes would never be appreciated by Singaporean eyes, i.e., 1.) When the airline pilots moon Joe when he's flying in the tooth - 2.) When Charlie the dog is supposed to be getting help but he's boffing the neighborhood poodle and 3.) The "I'm yur sister" bit with Jamie Presley. What year comes after 1983? Maybe this lack of exposure to things north of PG-13 has lended itself to the following:

I don't want to editorialize or pass judgement, so I'll just include this link: http://sg.travel.yahoo.com/inspirations/253-alexis-ong-the-problem-with-singapore-men

There's so much more - here's some rapid fire observations: a dude with 4 inch angel wings on his white high-top sneakers, people fork & knifing dinner rolls and french fries, commercials are always the same during shows, we were asked if we were Australian (guess we all look and sound alike. . . . ), and it's hot. Metaphor: when I walk around outside I feel like a stick of butter in a hot skillet. Oh, when the elevator stops, it says "Storey 9." I guess translated that means 9th floor.

Lastly - the day I get a job is the day Kellie and I make our plans to go to Bali - super-stoked for this, but it just wouldn't feel right for my broke-ass to live the lavish life in Bali until then.

Singapore Sans Skivvies

The blog you've all been waiting for has arrived - the first post from our new home in Singapore. One of the two of us has been saying "we live here now" at least once every two hours. It's 11:30am Saturday here (East Coasters, you're probably in your PJ's) and I have much to report back on already.

Anyone who's flown through Heathrow can testify that the airport is a behemoth, asking tired strung-out travellers to journey miles between terminals with a train ride, bus ride, and some security thrown in for good measure. Realistically I think you need a good 2 hours, I think we got about 54 minutes. We made it, however our 1/2 dozen checked bags weren't as quick, not even the little one. Fingers are crossed that they will arrive tonight, and in the meantime, we each got $$ 65 ($$ means Singapore dollars going forward) for things we need for the day today. A super gesture, and great in theory, however finding clothes for someone with my physical construction is easier said than done. We've been invited out tonight with one of Kellie's co-workers, we'll just have to see if we have our underroos by then.

13 hours is a long time. 13 hours on a plane - something entirely different. And this was the 2nd leg. I watched a bunch of movies (Due Date ((due to technical issues, I watched the first 10 minutes 4 times)), Social Network, The Town, Red, Megamind and The American) and listened to some music.

The Pan Pacific Serviced Suites here in S'Pore is very nice, and I'm not just saying that because of the free breakfast offered every day (except Sundays and public holidays of which there are many). Our room is modern, comfortable and properly equipped. However, as an added amenity, there are 16 light switches. Sixteen. There is an amazing pool and gym (which I hope to use), and "The Living Room" is on the 11th floor and has coffee, Wii, and a pool table open 24 hours a day, which will make this feel something like home.

Here's a good one. Kellie and I ventured out this morning to burn through our British Airways dough. Easily done since we're staying on what I can only equate to the Newbury Street of Singapore. Lining both sides of the street, about 50 meters apart, were, we're guessing, the Singapore version of Girl Scouts collecting donations. Singapore Scouts? At about 10 feet out, they get you in their sights and move in blocking your path and presenting the donation bags at eye level. Now, after about the 5th time of saying "no, sorry," we had the brilliant idea of just telling them that we had made a donation to another one of their "associates" up the street. We got some not-so-comfortable looks from the otherwise polite little beggers. Fast forward about an hour and another 40 or so girls and the genius Americans FINALLY figured it out. Stickers. Donate, get a sticker, save yourself the harassment. Smooth move ex-lax.

You know how everyone says Singapore is clean? It's true. It's like you can catch OCD and anal retention from the water. We were sitting outside Watson's (kinda like CVS) so I could get some deoderant and not smell like a foot since it's 93 degrees when this scene unfolded: food court, snacking on some fried dough (it's just like American fried dough except super healthy), when one of the food court cleaning staff began a strongly worded (I would surmise since it was in tongues) tirade at a young lady ordering a snack of her own. You see, the girl's shoes were dirty and leaving a pig-pen type trail behind her. 17 minutes this went on. This poor girl walking around with the angry mop-wielding cleaning lady following and verbally thrashing her. I think the part I struggled with was, who did I feel bad for?

More to come soon, I even bought a little notepad so I don't miss any of this delightful nuggets of entertainment.