Thursday, April 28, 2011

This Blog Will Save Your Life

Blogs will do a lot of things, but they will not save your life. However, since I'm going over some housekeeping items herein, I wanted to make sure everyone reads it. V, our housekeeper, is a life saver though.

Comments: I've been told by countless avid readers that commenting is difficult. I have changed the settings so that everyone should be able to leave comments even if you are an anonymous reader BUT decency and general decorum should propel you to leave some clue as to who is leaving said comment. Fair?

Notifications: Another bone of contention with blogspot is that there's no way for me to broadcast out to the Ramblophiles that a new treasure awaits them. If you would like to receive notification that there is a new post (and not wait till you see it on Facebook) - please email me at chrisleger79@gmail.com with "Blog Add" in the subject line, and something clever in the text. I'll try to include a new fun picture in the email notifications as incentive to get on board.

Engagement: As every marketer tells me when I'm at work, it's about engagement - so I'm going to start making the blog INTERACTIVE. Scroll to the bottom of the page and you'll see the reaction bar (go ahead, I'll wait). You can now choose an answer of 1-5 to questions posed by yours truly.

Here is our first engagement question (remember, answer below and only choose one!)

In what format would you like the next blog post?
1.) Photo Journal - I will take a picture of what I'm doing wherever I am in Singapore every 37 minutes for a whole day - no commentary
2.) Chris Leger's day - third person account of how this remarkable individual spent his day, from the perspective of the poor slob following him around for a day
3.) Guest Blog from Kellie
4.) Guest Blog from Kellie but written by Chris
5.) None of the above, I hate this blog

We'll all be able to see the voting and early next week I'll give the people what they want.

Is this Royal (PITA) Wedding happening in the states too? It's all over the tube here. Is that where the term Pomp & Circumstance comes from?

How was everyone's Easter? I got all of your cards and peeps in the mail - so thoughtful. We actually had a busy Easter weekend. We went to a BBQ on Friday night and met some great new people. I spent the better part of Saturday recovering from said BBQ however, as I might have gone a little overboard. Saturday night, and I must pause here to thank Mark for yet again introducing us to a "favorite place" in Singapore - he's now introduced us to 4-5 of these, so when you all come visit, we may just send you out with Mark, so Saturday night Kellie and I met Mark at Chijmes - pronounced "Chimes," and not Chidgems as this donkey found out. Had some dinner and watched the Manchester United game outside on the big screens drinking Budweiser (pronounced BUTT-why-zuh).

Today Microsoft Outlook corrected colorful with colourful in an email I was writing.

PITA = Pain In The Ass, BTW (which means By The Way)

We spent Easter Sunday in an area called Sembawang, which is at the northern point of Singapore on the border of Malaysia. Kellie's colleague resides with her husband and 4 (four) labs in an absolutely amazing home build in the early 1900's for a British hot shot. We had such a fantastic time playing with dogs, being in a yard, sweating our Easter Eggs off and chatting about life in Singapore.

This might come as good news for those of you who don't like me, or Kellie, or both of us, but 'tween Friday and Sunday, we met so many people who've been here north of 10 years, having come on a 2 year deal like us. I'm sure you could appreciate my skepticism but they all said it takes 3-6 months to get the "Swing of Sing." We'll see. And they didn't say Swing of Sing - I just coined that. (c)

Alright - time for some American Idol action. Don't forget to email me the "add" and vote for your next blog format.

Oh - one more thing - we have Monday off for some holiday thing here. :)

Friday, April 22, 2011

This is your captain, we're going down. . . . or up

Singaporeans take automated movement freakin seriously. It's like being surrounded by 5.4 million Nascar drivers who don't have cars, but have buses, trains, escalators and elevators and fat white-boy be damned should he be in the way. Remember Talladaga Nights? "If you're not first, you're last" - ? It's like "Jimmy's commute to work, sponsored by Doritos." Remember in grammar school - "No cutting." Yeah they didn't have that. Folks gotta be the first one on the train, first one off the train, gotta make the elevator, will push onto the escalator - I mean, maybe I don't like my job as much or something - but I'm just never in that big a hurry. Which brings me to (surprise) a point:

Every elevator ride has a "Captain." This is not a position that's voted upon or discussed - the captain just assumes the duties of "Elevator Ride Captain," or ERC. The ERC has two primary jobs throughout their portion of the elevator journey, which I'll get to - but, in the unforeseen case where the ERC gets off the elevator before the end of the journey, a new ERC must immediately take over, and they do.

ERC Duty #1: Upon arrival to a floor, kindly hold the "Door Open" button until everyone has alighted and boarded the elevator
ERC Duty #2: HIT THE DOOR CLOSE BUTTON AS FAST AS FREAKIN POSSIBLE, ideally clipping the shin of the last person getting on or off. Any time spent with the door open and no one moving through is time wasted.

Got to watch the Red Sox game (b/c it was in LA and went extra innings) today while eating a cheese burger with a fried egg on it (don't knock it till you try it) at a place called Fatboys Burgers. Nuff Sed.

Now my less than law-abiding friends will appreciate this one: while 4:20pm on 4/20 is, for some, celebrated back in less civilized countries - in Singapore, that's just 16:20 on 20/4. Huh?

Kellie and I have booked our first trip! Bali? Phuket? Dubai? Sydney? Oh hell no - Manila baby - yup - the Philippines (I say it Fill-Ip-In-Eez). Should be interesting, and it's a tick off the country list. Kel has to go for work so I'll tag along and chill for the weekend - maybe I'll feel adventurous and sky dive, or scuba dive, or maybe go apeshit and brush my teeth with the tap water! I don't know - let's just get nutty.

Oh and our first visitor is scheduled to come see us - Uncle Donald due into Singapore for a quick 2 night 1 day visit late May! We're excited to entertain now that our apartment is outfitted properly.

This is the only place I've ever been in the shower and run out of Cold Water.

Had a client meeting last week and told her that we would produce a small event for her "Soup to Nuts." Trying explaining what that means, fine, but why it means that? Any ideas? My arsenal of cliche's and sayings and "quips" are useless here. It's like locals have a force field to protect against humor. Maybe it IS just my humor.

So Matt from EMC arrived, Kellie's colleague who's setting up another group here for EMC, and he compared this neighborhood to a Quincy Market with a river running through it. I liked that, read it on his blog this afternoon, and I'm giving him credit for what he said. .. . ANYWHO - within this area there are a number of restaurants and we now have TWO favorite Italian Places, which I actually find troubling. For lunch today, we found a third and I just couldn't bring myself to try another one. For people who DO come visit, you might spend your whole time here NOT eating Asian food.

One thing that's really neat about Singapore TV is that when you watch a show, it notes very clearly what SEASON you are watching, which I find to be fantastic. House 4, CSI 7, American Idol 10, etc. I think this is something that TV stations back in the states could learn something from. Makes your TV inhaling more organized, more efficient. In that same light, Modern Family 2 is on here. Now, I make no secret that I believe this is the funniest show in the history of broadcast television - HOW EVER - as per usual the Republic of Singapore takes there scissors to the programs and would like you to believe that Cam and Mitch are friends, just friends. Any reference to their relationship or orientation is edited out of the show. It's frustrating now because I've seen the episodes and know what's missing, but what about if I end up watching NEW shows - it's a gonna be lame! It's a sad state of affairs.

Alright - well I suppose I should finish my Jack & Coke, put some pants on, and head over to the BBQ I'm already 30 minutes late for. Thanks for tuning in (especially you new folks in Poland), and have a super duper Easter - and if you find yourself in church - please let God know where I am and tell I said "hi"

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Pink Mouse Farts

The bus sucks. I don't care where or who you are, unless it's a tour bus loaded with groupies and contraband, the bus sucks. I love our new apartment, I'm gonna love it even more tomorrow when I get home and our 1400 lbs of North Graftony goodness is here, but commuting is for the birds and Kellie won't let me take cabs to work everyday, something about saving or something. Yeah, I know, it's Wednesday night which means I've suffered this humiliation for a staggering 3 days. I think the problem with our commute (I'm one stop on the train farther than Kellie) is that we have options.

Option 1 (Kellie's preference) - No walk, take the bus 5 stops to Dhoby Ghaut (I call it Doobie Goat) and take the train 4 stops. About 30 minutes unless you JUST miss the bus.
Option 2 - 10 Minute walk to Clarke Quay (Clarkey) train station, one stop to the Goat, switch trains, 4 stops to work. 30 Minutes and a nice sweaty lather, but no bus.

In other big news, something I've been excited about since we came here in December, I officially indentured my servant tonight. Let me put that into terms that are more acceptable. I hired a domestic helper today to clean our place for us once a week along with some laundry and ironing. She came tonight so she could meet us and brought a friend so she could get a good cleaning in while here. She was FANTASTIC (thank you so much Sally) - Matt and Sam - race is on to book some time with V as her dance card is filling up. You'd think we were sophisticates tonight though, so freakin funny - at 9:30pm we had 2 domestics cleaning and 2 contractors servicing our air conditioners b/c one started leaking on the floor permanently interrupting my American Chopper viewing on Discovery Turbo.

Oh, we disgusted the guy from the cable company because the plan we wanted cost us enough to earn a free 32 inch Panasonic LCD. Mind you - it's half of what I paid at home. Nice guy, though he too asked how much we paid in rent. . .  PT, my new boss, told me to tell people to stop being "kay-poh" which is slang for "nosy" when they ask. We're getting along great b/c I can ask him about the things that confuse me here. Like why if you're on a motorcycle, it's customary to wear your jacket backwards, and on public transportation, you wear your backpack backwards. It's like dyslexic dressing.

So you ALL know - Winnie has gained 2 lbs (that's almost 1 kg) since we left, Mom. . . . .
Because my readership has expanded rather intensely in this region of the country - again I must make comment without judgement: my health plan at work covers me for Dental + Optical in the amount of S$200 per year. YEAR (not visit), unless you visit once a - you know what, I'm judgementing. In Singapore, in order to get paid for a sick day, you must have a Doctor's note. Office hours at my job are 9am - 6pm, with a grace period until 9:30 which everyone takes advantage of. However, should you arrive after 10:00am, it's reported on the daily attendance kicked back to the home office.

Ah yes work - I thought you'd want to inquire about my maiden 3 days. It's off to an interesting start, and again as anyone can find this ramblings, I'll keep my comments rather general but happy to Skype out the scandalous details should you so desire. It's an extremely difficult task to start a job on the same day as your boss. PT is great, he has a great sense of humour (Auntie, I'm purposely writing in Old English, these aren't spell check corrections - it's just fun) and he puts up with my shenanigans, but he can't answer my questions. He did, however, hand me ALL of the largest clients in Asia. I mean, I'm handling all of the blue chip tech advertisers - I mean, try these acronyms on for $ize - MS, EMC, IBM, HP, SFDC, RSA, ORCLE (ha!), BT, SAS, SAP, etc. I have my hands way full, and I was always taught that more than a handful was a waste. Went to my first conference in Asia for a few hours yesterday, and tomorrow I go meet a client in person. I won't brag about who it is, let's just say It's Big Money.

Now, unless someone is on the phone, and I get to play "GUESS THAT ACCENT," the office is deathly quiet, I mean there's only 20 people there. I went over to PT and said, "What's with this place, you can hear a mouse fart?" - And by mouse, I mean the animal, not the PINK thing they gave me that's attached to my work computer. Pink mouse farts - you knew I'd connect the dots for you even though it's late. I promise I'll get a picture up.

Lastly - I got my knew pimp-ass, tailored suit on Saturday, and got it soaked in a monsoon yesterday, but I digress - when I went to get it, Tewsie (or something like that), my guy wasn't there. So I asked someone else where he was and she let me know that he'd been in the hospital for a couple days (that's why I was missing one of my shirts). I said, "is he ok? Is it serious?" I mean, the suit is awesome. She said "He's fine, I think he just drinks too much."

PS - that picture is SO completely not a Singapore bus - you should still consider visiting. . .

Sunday, April 10, 2011

New Home, New Job, New Haircut

There's a stink afoot, and I'm not speaking of the breakfast splatter near the elevator this morning - it's the stink of an early morning wake-up tomorrow for work. It should come as no surprise that it's been relatively easy for me to be lulled into a sense of "this is vacation." Tropical climate, eating out every meal, and the sleep - it's been "all you can sleep" around here. Well, party's over. Tomorrow morning I'll shave and put on my big boy clothes and join my fellow rats in our race. BTW - here, all you can eat is often called "Free Flow" - like at dinner the other night Sam had "Free Flow French Fries." I recommend that link - it's Sam and Lauren's blog and they have a great one about the domestic helpers here. It's a good read - just so that you can find out what "headaches services" means.

I am fortunate to have had a brief orientation to my new company last week. Thursday night I met my new manager for drinks in an area here called Clarke Quay, which I call Clarkey. Nice to meet him, he seems like a really good guy and as he's local, he has some hook-ups for me with respect to tattoos and electronics, which is solid. Not so solid - he's a smoker. Heading into new stress levels, on the tail end of my patch supply, with this uber temptation. The bar he chose is called "The Pump Room." Whack name - really good Summer Ale microbrew.

Friday I visited the office to be introduced to the Singapore and Hong Kong teams during the quarterly staff meeting. Mind you, I've worked for small companies, but this office is small. I feel for them, really I do - they don't know what they are in for spending a day in that confined space with me.

Kellie and I are roughing it for another week. The day AFTER we said good bye to Eleanor, we found out that our stuff was going to be a week late arriving in S'pore. Our shipment is supposed to be arriving tomorrow, it then has to clear customs so God (and the port-authority) willing I'll be able to drink out of a cup, wear a different damn pair of shorts, sleep on my pillow, and play my XBox by week's end.

Adventure-wise, I think the most interesting time was spent yesterday (Saturday) afternoon in Chinatown. It might surprise you to learn that there's a part of an Asian country called Chinatown, but - it's true. I finally, after more than a month here, got LEGIT noodles. Made to order noodles. They were awesome. They were $3.50 (that's $2.70 US). Kellie then treated me to my very first foot massage. Holy pain - he hurt parts of my feet I didn't know had nerves. Yeah - "he" - also a new experience for me.

Oh, ha ha, so this afternoon I pop over to one of the 11 malls within walking distance of our new place to get a haircut and 5 minutes into my trim he (yup "he") asks "at what age did you start dropping hair?" The people of Singapore are very direct. "When did you start losing your hair? How much do you pay in rent? How much money do you make?" It's such an adjustment - every time we get picked up by a taxi from our place the driver asks how much our rent is.

Alright - sorry - I know this isn't my best work, I owe you more than this. I'll get my shit together and get back to killin it soon. Off to bed, and then off to work!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Bye Bye Eleanor

It's no secret, I'm guilty of having been a little down on Singapore at times over the 4+ weeks we've been here. There's been a lot of ups and downs, - but I think I'm coming around. I had a great weekend. Part of this, I'm sure, is the realization that I start work a week from tomorrow, so I'm living it up because work sucks no matter where you live.

My Friday afternoon was pure, unmitigated selfishness and it was freakin great. Went to StarHub (that's cable TV) store and got the information on what channels will escort us through our less-eventful Singapore evenings. On my way home I was lured into a tailor's shop. I use the term "lured" haphazardly as I've been WANTING to go to a tailor. I'm proud to say that by next weekend I will own my own custom tailored suit - along with 2 shirts and two ties. All of this, magically conformed to my physicality for about $440 USD. If all goes well, my ass will be styling when I get back stateside. I have found my Singapore tailor, which is exciting, no, seriously.

Those of you who I've mocked for the last couple years for your iPhone-a-philia - I'm one of you now. Kellie took me down to the cell phone store and replaced my ridiculous pay-as-you-go phone, which is a better flashlight than phone, with the iPhone 4. Getting a job has some upsides. I've been busy filling it with essential survival tools, like Kings of Leon and Angry Birds - Be Prepared!

After a couple beers with Kellie and iPhone, the three of us met up with a group of friends for a fantastic dinner - mine, rack of lamb over a crispy potato rusti and beet root along with a salad in a rich grainy mustard dressing - finished with sweet and sour lemon pie. Bangin

Saturday morning after breakfast Capt. Adventure (Kellie) talked me into heading out to find a "furniture warehouse" which I'm sure they could have made harder to find but it would have involved hedges and false doors and shit. In the end though, it was worth it, we're planning to head back with some cash. One day when we again get to live in our house, we'll have some great new pieces to showcase - I mean, it's not like we're gonna ship Ikea stuff home.

Saturday night - 10 of us had another great dinner with at least 2 bottles of wine a person. Best part? This place is a 4 minute boogy from our new pad - INTO WHICH I'll be moving us tomorrow morning. Kellie has no idea how to get home from work tomorrow! Smoked salmon pasta, I'm sure you were curious. Then to the Australian bar (also close to home) called Boomerang to watch India win the Cricket World Cup. I think I'm starting to understand the game.

Today, a great breakfast sandwich, 3 solid hours of Angry Birds, played squash and discovered what those crazies on Biggest Loser feel like, had some pad thai, got to see Mom and Winnie on Skype, and I'll turn in shortly for our last night in the Pan Pacific. I'll miss Eleanor, the never ending supply of bottled water in the fridge, and the breakfast - but I'm anxious to get OUR stuff into OUR place and settle in a little more.

I've been in country for 30 days. I think I'm getting the hang of it,. The adventure is just starting and I'm thankful I get to do something this crazy. So - who's visiting? Bring me an iPhone case.

PS - those wondering, Eleanor is the cleaning lady.